I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
