Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
