I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
