you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
bring money and cleavage
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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