you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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