1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
