I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
