i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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