I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
