Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
