I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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