I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
