She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Text me some of your sweat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
