I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
