I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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