8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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