So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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