Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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