So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
