Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
