I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
