bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
