also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
