Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
