Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
