Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
