i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
