i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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