found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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