is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
