my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
