I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
