I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
did i walk over a car last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
