i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
