I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
