Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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