my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
