Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
