just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
