Soap is not a condiment
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
did you just send me my own nude
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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