i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
