you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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