Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
