I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
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