Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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