If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
