so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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