she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
please come you make the beer taste better
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
