If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
