Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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