how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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